Ode to the Wedding Industry

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Now, I won’t knock the wedding industry.
As jobs go, it works fine for me.
I don’t have to supersize things for people
or write made-up names on their coffee.
It can be hard when every daily grind
is someone else’s big special day,
when they’re here to embark on ‘the adventure of marriage’
and you’re only here for the pay.
I don’t give it that much thought really.
It’s mostly a means to an end,
but I will say that out of all the weddings I’ve worked
I’m beginning to notice a… trend.

It used to be that if you had flowers
and a fancy cake, then that was enough.
If you the food was okay and there was booze of some kind
then you didn’t need any more stuff.
But now you’ve got to have fireworks, karaoke machines
a grand piano in the shape of a heart
little cakes with ‘I do’ written on them
and balloons that say ‘til death do us part!’
If last year’s theme was vintage
then this year’s theme is tat.
The amount of rubbish
and there can be no doubt about that.

And that’s without the drama
without the best man’s speech from hell
without the father spending whole event drunk
and then spending the night in a cell.
When the coupling is dancing to ‘their song’
but the groom can’t remember the tune,
when the actual marriage lasts not half as long
as the extended two-week honeymoon,
I have to wonder what I’m in it for.
The satisfaction? The experience? The wealth?
It’s far too much hassle. I’ve just had enough.
This cannot be good for my health.

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