This is a list of lifehacks
of techniques that you can apply
to turn your life into a romance
and kiss your problems goodbye.

Number 1
You can tell if an egg is properly boiled by spinning it.
If it spins – it’s ready to eat!
If it won’t spin – boil it for longer.
If it starts to hatch – run.
Just. RUN.
The Firebirds have found you.

Number 2
Cinnamon is a great, cost-effective way to spice up your hot chocolate.
The same trick also works for smoothies, milkshakes,
coffee, yoghurt, ice cream, being single,
apple pie, loneliness, unfulfilling desk jobs,
failed marriages – and even tea!

Number 3
This amazing diet will allow you to lose weight
while still getting to have whatever you want
by eating more food less often.
You can even create more room in your busy schedule
by compressing all those time-consuming mealtimes into a single monthly feeding!
This may require you to dislocate your jaw.

Number 4
A great way to save money on your heating bill
is burning things you don’t need
like memories (the painful ones).
Burning commitments saves you time as well
so feed them to the flames
along with any friends you don’t talk to much anymore.
Think – without the competition
your remaining friendships will thrive!

Number 5
It’s a little known fact
that the pensioner who discovered that weird old anti-ageing tip
– removing wrinkles by peeling off the uppermost layer of your skin –
also applied the same technique to the earth’s crust
smoothing mountain ranges and valleys
into gently rolling plains.
Geomorphologists HATE HER.

This is a list of lifehacks
little tricks to help you survive.
The world out there is a dangerous place,
so click this link to stay alive!


3 thoughts on “Lifehacks

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