Hi, its Facebook here.
We have a few questions for you.
What’s on your mind?
How are you feeling?
Done anything cool lately?
What’s your email address?
Where are you from?
Come now, we know you’re not really from Coolville, Ohio.
All your friends are from Newcastle and Edinburgh.
One of your friends told us you come from Newcastle.
Is that true?
Are they a reliable informant, would you say?
What are your hobbies?
You liked Paloma Faith’s facebook page, does that mean you like music?
You liked Minecraft’s facebook page, does that mean you like video games?
Here, we would like to reccommend to you the song ‘Video Games’ by Lana Del Rey,
because we feel it combines your interests.
Do you ‘like’ that?
We thought so.
What’s your phone number?
How old are you?
Are you in a relationship?
Would anyone notice if you disappeared?
Would anyone notice if you disappeared
but your Facebook page remained active?
Sorry, ignore that last question.
While we’re on the subject though,
what do you think we should do with your Facebook page when you die?
Memorialise it? Take it down?
Or keep it going, so that your relatives could be consoled
by the fact the while you are no longer among the living you are at least still posting cat photos
and advertising knock-off Ray Bans to all your friends.
Would you ‘like’ that?
We here at Facebook like to bring people together.
We ‘like’ friends.
We ‘like’ family.
We ‘like’ you.