Spite

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There was never any spite in me
I was empty
when you found me
and taught me how to sleep
eyes closed, heart beating, nothing more

We spent a summer sleeping
we spent a winter awake
and I told you the little I knew of life
you listened, never laughing
never leaving, heart beating, nothing more

There was never any spite in me
and only a little pain
which you drew out by inches
alongside your metres on the floor
alongside your strong lungs breathing, nothing more

And at first that was fine
we fooled ourselves
admitted only the nightmares we woke up from
and both of us told both of us
that you were healing, strong lungs breathing, nothing more

There was never any spite in me
I was empty
when you found me
but you filled me up
with hate and bile and acid burning, nothing more

You couldn’t help it
couldn’t stem the ever-dripping tide
drinks spiked with strychnine, chlorine, cyanide
over-spilling into me and filling me
with acid burning, nothing more

I left you empty
and you left me bleached
from inside out you scoured us both
but it was you that changed
I am as you found me, empty
which must make me to blame

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